I just finished reading this book called Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas and let me tell you, it made me reach out for my phone and text my husband to tell him how important he and our son is to me at past 2 in the morning. (My family’s visiting my in-laws and I have work to do at home. Just in case you were wondering why I have to text my husband in the middle of the night.) That’s how compelling the story is. It was heart wrenching! I wasn’t aware that I was crying until a big sob escaped me and made think of how lucky I am that I have love to give and love given back to me. That no matter how painful death may be, life can still overpower it.
There was a part in the story that Suzanne almost lost Nicky to pre-eclampsia which reminded me how I bordered that line when I was pregnant with my twins. And how painful it is to lose a son and up to now I still torment myself with the “what ifs”. That I should learn to let go of the bitterness and concentrate o what’s now. My other baby boy. It’s hard being a mom, you have to be twice as tough as you normally are for you child’s sake.
Wait a minute. I’m already rambling. Maybe I just needed closure. I wish to find that, as Matt did, someday.
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